


Back to Earth

by ihadeatenhername



Category: Tiny Meat Gang (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, M/M, Panic Attack, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2019-10-16
Packaged: 2020-12-17 02:09:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21046562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ihadeatenhername/pseuds/ihadeatenhername
Summary: Cody can't sleep on the tour bus. He can feel the panic growing and knows he can't do this alone; he needs his friend; he needs Noel.





	Back to Earth

**Author's Note:**

> Wanted to do something more friendship-y/soft but still intimate... Hope you enjoy <3

In the moment, the sadness felt like it came out of nowhere; but if Cody were to go back over his thoughts and feelings of the past few days, he would be sure to recognize that there had been signs of an impending breakdown building up.

_Not enough sleep. Too much drinking. Missing Kelsey. So many shows...so many people..._

He lay there in his bunk, feeling the now familiar motions of the bus, hearing the same sounds of engine and highway, as with every other night. Normally he'd be fast asleep; he had found a way, after much trial and error, to make the cramped space work for his comfort. But he couldn't stop the emotions from swelling, hard and consuming and crashing over his chest like waves, his lungs felt the impending fear of not being able to breathe.

_Fuck,_ he thought. _I have to perform tomorrow. I can't break down right now. Not again, not now. Noel's counting on me. Everyone's counting on me. I gotta stop this. I can't let this happen. Why does this have to happen right now? What did I do to deserve this?_

Normally when he felt this way, he was able to turn to someone and work through it together—usually Noel. But everyone was asleep right then, given that it was 3:47 AM. Cody thought of waking someone up to help him through it, but a preemptive guilt twisted him away from the idea. He was alone. Drowning alone.

For some reason, God knows why it had to be at that precise moment, Noel let out a deep groan in his sleep, Cody hearing the sound of his body shifting in the bunk above his.

Cody imagined himself saying "Noel," getting no response, and lapsing back into miserable aloneness. He wanted more than anything to get through this without bothering anyone, without making it a whole "thing"; yet he knew that this just wasn't just some little hiccup in his wellbeing: this felt like the initial swells of a panic attack, and if he didn't wake up someone... if he tried to suffer in silence all alone...

"Noel," Cody heard his voice leave his mouth, his dry lips cracking as he formed the word. He wasn't even sure if his voice went beyond his own ears. He swallowed, rolled his eyes at his own diminished state, and tried, louder this time, "_Noel._"

A grumble; even with that little of a sound, relief both bloomed and twinged in Cody's chest.

"Cody?" Noel whispered, followed by more shifting from above. Then an arm fell down over the side of the bunk above Cody's and the hand felt between the gaps at the top of the closed curtain; Cody, almost too relieved to fully breathe, reached up and grabbed Noel's hand, as if it were the side of a life-raft.

He wanted to say more, to explain to Noel why he needed to hold his hand like that, but Cody was stuck in his silent reprieve, trying to work on breathing, just feeling the warmth of Noel's skin, the grooves and turns of his palm and fingers. At first Noel's hand was limp, allowing Cody to touch it without interference. But soon Noel couldn't refrain from responding to the touches with his own; he returned the soft exploration of fingertips on Cody's hands, gathered and squeezed Cody's fingers together like a bouquet.

Cody had sat up to give himself a better angle to hold and be held by Noel's hand. He pressed his cheek against it, breathed slowly and intentionally as he felt Noel's palm curve against his soft skin.

"You gonna be okay, dude?" Noel asked after a while.

Cody, who was focused on the smell, the texture, the warmth of Noel's skin: "Yeah. I think." Even as he said it he felt the reality of his heart skipping arrhythmically in his chest. He sighed, and Noel felt around and tried to pick Cody's nose, making Cody nearly snort as he jerked his head away and Noel burst out a giggle. Noel didn't pull his hand back up to his own bunk, however; even though his arm was starting to feel funny from hanging it down like that for so long, Noel wanted Cody to feel that he was there for him. He could tell just from the way he had said his name the first time, how he had taken his hand when he had offered it, that Cody truly needed him.

"Can I get you anything?" Noel asked, Cody still playing with Noel's fingers absentmindedly.

"No. I just wish I could cut this feeling out, just take a knife and," Cody made the soft sound effects of a blade excising through substance.

"It's dark, but can you do some grounding with what you can see? Or what you can feel?"

Cody tried. He used his hands, felt the nearest things to his person: the edge of the bunk frame, his own sweatshirt, the wall...and Noel's hand. The most real-feeling thing of all.

"Better?" Noel asked after a minute or two, hearing the sounds of hardly uttered words leaving Cody's lips as he repeated his exercise fading away.

"Yeah," Cody said. "Thank you."

"Always, dude," Noel said, and leaned over with his torso to be able to reach deeper into the space and grab onto Cody's hair; he tousled it so thoroughly that he rued being unable to see the result.

"Goodnight," Cody said, tone indicating laughter and heavier feelings just restrained.

"Hope you can sleep some," Noel responded. Cody gave Noel's hand one last squeeze before hearing and dimly seeing the limb return back up to the bunk above him. Noel winced, gently rolled out his shoulder as the ache of his inappropriate strain began to burn there. It didn't matter much to him, though. He'd helped bring Cody back to earth.


End file.
